Introduction

Despite my reticence and insecurities writing a blog, I figure what the hell...  The Silverinator (aka Silver Anderson) was kind enough to help me set this up, so, I figure this will be a combination of my never ending babble regarding nails, my psychiatric health and my preoccupation with things that aren't generally considered "healthy" for a normal person's body and mind. That being said, I'm not a "normal person". At least I admit it..

I guess I should warn anyone who reads what I write should know that while I'm considered to be a very good writer..when I write informally, like now..I tend to write like I talk. I've understood it's kind of a weird, rough sort of IAMBIC PENTAMETER type of writing and speaking. Maybe it’s a Utah thing..who knows..yeah..I'll bitch about Utah a lot too..given I was born and raised there. Oh..and of course, YES I was born and raised as a Mormon (LDS) ..but as I say.."yeah I am a Mormon...AND I SUCK AT IT!" As opposed to the CHURCH'S latest "I'm a Mormon" campaign..hell..at least I don't see those stupid book of Mormon commercials anymore on TV as much..well..of course..that's because the president of the church at that time, kind of had what I call a "used salesman" type of mentality. So, born and raised in Utah, left "The Land of Zion" in 1988 and moved to Las Vegas, moved back in 1989 in shame (but not pregnant), then left again. not yet to return, in 1996 to live in Houston, then from Houston, in 2001 to what I call my EXILE right now in Florida. HOWEVER, and I hold true to this...I will RETURN to the Land of Zion eventually to die like a salmon. I just never felt the urge to go back and SPAWN there..just die.... 

Again, going back when I thought of the blog name..I know I'm being redundant, I just remember my Cottonwood High School Jazz Ensemble Director, Clint Frohm screaming at me "The Nails, Maile! The NAILS!" during, well. orchestra; where I played cello and double bass, the Stage Band, Jazz Ensemble (bass guitar and double bass) and Concert Band (double bass) he said he could hear what many believed were "absurdly long fingernails" as they scraped/clickety clacked across the strings/fingerboard of whatever instrument I was playing. Of course, if I was hooked up to an amp..it made it worse. so then EVERYONE playing around me adopted the same objection, “The Nails, Maile! The Nails” or more like “Goddamnit, Maile!  The fucking nails! Cut the nails!” Ok... and when I was impatient. I would tap my nails in a sharp staccato on the wood of the cello/double bass I was playing to let EVERYONE KNOW..I was bored and impatient. another one of my idiosyncrasies that tended to be quite annoying. which is why I loved doing it. Hey..if you can't fucking play it right in rehearsal... don't waste MY time and everyone else's time **tap tap tap, tap tap tap**! HEY! It's better than using the bow. because THOSE BREAK more easily than my nails (I found out many times over)...  hmmmmm ....  I wonder if Clint ever figured out when I graduated from high school **sighs**in 1981..that the number of bass and cello bows dropped dramatically from 25 to 10 in the 3 years I was there... hehe ...

What else... hmmm... well..I started playing cello in the 3^rd grade because my mother (there will be a lot written in this blog bitching about her and my bother..I mean BROTHER...oh..same thing....trust me) was too cheap back then to RENT a violin! The elementary school already had cellos, so that placated her CHEAP sensibilities. I guess she wasn’t sure if I could be trusted to follow through playing an instrument because on both her side and my dad’s side..no one had EVER played an instrument..other than my bitch of a Grandmother (grrr ... Tutu) fancied herself a virtuoso on the UKULELE ... whatever..Obviously I didn’t quit until..oh..I guess recently. but then REAL musicians never really QUIT. they just go on HIATUS for a very long time. So I played the cello up until high school and decided to switch to bass. there’s a reason for this..I guess another day..who knows..

So..sorry to be redundant. but I figured the title THE NAILS, MAILE! THE NAILS!  ..given it’s a scream I honestly respond too and because I love nail polish is rather apropos for the title of this blog